if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
