His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
