just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I need to sanitize my soul.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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