btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize