While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
