life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
