Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
