I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
