just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
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I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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