Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
