it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
