So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
