I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
