thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
