I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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