i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize