i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
