he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
