Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
