Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
