I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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