everyone is single if you try hard enough
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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