just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
