doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
