I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
