I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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