he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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