New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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