I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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