Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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