I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
