at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize