Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
