i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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