Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
