Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
