Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
and you fell through a lawn chair
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
