the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
