meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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