girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I use my feet as sexual weapons
im on a boat
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