There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
