I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
