Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
