I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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