Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
