Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
