sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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