Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
