Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
