She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
there is glitter all over my balls
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