Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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