You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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