Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
