At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
