Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
