I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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