I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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