he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
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WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
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He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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